I have read a whole lot of self-help books out there on "how to be a good wife,good girlfriend,side chic e.t.c. Right from when a girl is in her teens, she will be trained and advised countless times on how how to be a good future wife? she is taught how to cook for him,pound yam for him,talk in a certain way less you come across as a talkative(who wants to marry a talkative?), do not be friendly with men(so you wont be known as a prostitute) e.t.c. Even a woman who gets married for a few second feels she is a perfect adviser and knows enough about marriage to advise her single friends on how to behave to find the one. Everyone keeps training and retraining her.
The teenage girl grows up seeing every boy that says hello to her as that "future husband". With that mentality,she welcomes both the wolves and the sheep. Some unfortunately entertain wolves without knowing,they remember what they were taught as little girls,so they start cooking,washing,sleeping with "him" because he could be the "future husband" grandma spoke glowingly about. She makes a lot of mistakes before realizing that even tough our parents has the best intentions but that advice isn't meant for wolves. Every one that says hello is not Mr right,no need for trial and error.
Tomorrow,little girl gets married,everything about the survival of the marriage is heaped on the woman. She is suppose to have sex with the man daily(or else he gets a side chic), pamper him silly (or another woman will), cook the best meal,please do not nag or complain for a second,do not even have a rational discussion with him for 30mins or you will be called a nag,stay grateful 24hrs a day that she has a man to call her own. If he ever cheats,get you beaten up ...it is the fault of the woman ,it doesn't matter if you complied with grandma rules,still check yourself. If you get beaten up ,you dare not leave or the next woman walks in. She is constantly reminded of the side chic who wants to move in. There are even books on" how to be a good side chic" or the saying that "half a man is better than nothing". So untrue and baseless.
While we are busy advising our little girls,we forget to advise our boys. We rather encouraged them to play,womanize(boys will be boys),some weren't even taught the act of responsibility or anything in particular. We forgot that our girls will grow up to marry a boy like our son. The boy who grows up to be a man and knows nothing about responsibility or accountability but rather walks around with an air of entitlement "he was born to be pleased" or "i can get twenty like you so why should i please you and be responsible enough".
As parents we need to do better. The world has evolved. We need to advise our sons as we advise our daughters. We need to teach our sons responsibility,accountability and good behavior. We need to train and raise our sons right...it is not the wife or girlfriend that is suppose to raise or train "a grown man".
I want a lot of self-help books that teaches a man how to do better and be better,how to be a king that the woman really needs,how to look sexy for your woman (oh yes that), how to satisfy your woman's need in bed (i said that too), how to really listen and talk to your woman,appreciate her,treat her right. Tell the men to sing songs that builds a woman's self esteem not degrading her to a bitch,hoes or gold diggaz.
Our partners are our kings, a king is supposed to protect the queen. it start with us parents. One day we will stop with the saying "a good man is hard to find"...not really, we just forgot to raise or train them.
Kudos to all parents raising and training their sons right.
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